Kim Luong Vuong's blog

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Category Archives: Feelings

I am a bad guy.

Well, I have two characteristics that some of you and I hate them the most, they are enviousness and selfishness. Actually, these are covered by my carefree gestures because they shouldn’t be shown off.

First, I want to talk about the enviousness. I always want to have everything that the others have, and inside my mind, some bad thoughts are about to appear.  For example, if I see a student bring an awesome laptop such as MacBook Pro, I may think that guy just bought it because he wants to impress other people, not because he loves it and knows how to take the most benefit from that Mac. Or when I see a beautiful girl goes along with a normal boy. I usually think that girl only date with that boy because she wants his money.

I know. Enviousness is totally not good. To avoid it, I try to think “That’s none of my business.” and “Why should I envy?” to get me out of that train of thought. I’m trying to get rid of this characteristic to make myself be better.

Second, I’m going to mention the selfishness. I am supposed to be helpful and friendly. Actually, I don’t do anything if its after-effects can harm my right. Like, when my friend borrows money or other stuff, I often think and assess him carefully to find out if he would pay to give it back to me. If I believe that I can’t trust him, I will find a logical reason to deny his request.

At first, I think that in many cases, I’m selfish because it’s for my own good. However, now, I understand if I continue being like this, I will be alone sooner or later.

It’s a shame to have to confess those things. I hope after speaking it out I will become better and better day by day.

Thanks for reading. Goodbye!

Am I awake or dreaming?

I don’t really aware of that problem. I don’t know that I am living a real life with real people and real relationships or I am sleeping somewhere else and dreaming about a long story that I don’t know the ending.

I am here. I am talking to you. I have family and friends, and I have good relationships with other people. I am studying well I’ve gained a lot of respect from my classmates. Like others, I have to face the loss of my friends and relatives. I feel the pain and I also get hurt. However, is it really my true self? There is a possibility that it is an imaginary world I’ve created inside my mind, isn’t it? How can I prove that this world is real?

I always feel that I am not actually living. I have a sense of being a blur image of someone else. I have been had this thought for a long time ago, since I was a little child as I remember. My existence seems meaningless to the others because I don’t think I really exist. I have no clue to confirm it but my sixth sense always talks to me that I need to wake up; this dream is going to end soon.

Why am I still here? Probably, I’m afraid of waking up in an unfamiliar world. I will likely have amnesia. At that time, in my head, only the memories which I had while sleeping may remain. Having a new life in a totally strange world is definitely very difficult. That is the only certain reason I can think of to explain about rejecting escaping this dream.

I want to both wake up and sleep. However, to solve this problem, I have to choose one. Have I put enough effort to do that? Maybe no! In addition, this isn’t right time and right place to attempt it. In one day, I will do it. How? I don’t exactly know. But I’ll try.

Thanks for reading! Goodbye!

Why am I feeling so sad?

Well, I definitely don’t know what occurred to me at this moment, I am feeling so depressed, dark, bruised, and disappointed, like I am broken-hearted. I can’t find the reason behind it, and it makes me not be able to take a short nap. I am really tired because of suffering from this sensation. It’s very likely I need something, but hopelessly I can’t still figure out what it is. It is straining my brain a lot. With that minded torture, I can’t either think of anything or concentrate on revision for next coming exam. I can’t bear it anymore so I decided to write it down here to get a relief deep inside my soul.

To tell more about the feeling, I think it’s a part of the pain over loneliness, careless of everyone, includes parents, relatives, and friends. Likely, I need a warm hug, an open talk about myself. I’m too reserved and taciturn, I know that. Maybe sooner or later, I will have depression. Another reason is apparently I have watched too much tragic cartoons for several days until now.

How can I deal with this problem? Perhaps, the quickest answer absolutely is watching comedy. In addition, writing it out makes me feel better now. I’ll try my best to keep myself from being so upset like this. I don’t want to experience it again.

Thank you and goodbye!

I like tragedy anime.

Well, after watching some animes, I begin to like watching tragedy animes. You know, our life is not perfect; it cannot be fair to all of us. If you are happy, some one are now really upset and depressed. You may spend a lot of money on buying a new shirt, but at that time the other have to work hard to earn money for each living day. All of these are reflected in tragedy animes.

Its name shows it all, there is sadness in this type of cartoon. There, people have to die although they deserve to live, to be happy. Some lovely girls felt unconscious for a long time and let their friend, their parents, their relatives, their neighbors wait in a broken hope. This is where someone has to give up his life to save another because she is his love, his brother/sister, his closest friend… This is where some one has to search the other days by days, months by months and years by years hopelessly. Someone forget everything he should memorize. Moreover, this is where you cannot protect person you love even you tried your best. It can make you cry because of their miserable destinies.

However, I prefer light ones. I do not like people killing each other in a cartoon movie. I am afraid of blood. Instead, I want to watch an anime with a little magic in it, where souls can appear and communicate but they do not mean to harm anyone. They are just there to be happy with persons they love. Or your dream influents people around you somehow. I usually feel sad after watching them and they left a lot of emotion that is hard to describe.

In addition, today I read an article written about the requirements for who want to become member of a fan club named “World of Tragedy”. Except online frequently and having wide knowledge about anime, I meet all other remaining requirements of personal characteristics. That makes me realize that not only I like tragedy anime but also it is perfectly suitable for me.

Thanks for reading! Goodbye!

I’m under stress.

Few days back to now, I’m really exhausted. My head is full of silly thoughts. I can not concentrate to do my homework or revise the lesson I’ve learned at school. I easily to get angry with everyone. I’m tired of this.

My final exam of this term is coming nearly, and I have to do all tests carefully and precisely to get as highest marks as possible. But besides some subjects that I’ve studied well, there are two exceptional subjects that I’m not confident with my knowledge at all. They are Terrestrial Navigation and Strength of materials.

Those two subjects are worrying me a lot. Although I have been spending a lot of time on studying them, I don’t fully catch the ideas in books. How can I do it alone without being taught by teachers? I understand them a little, and that’s definitely not enough. I also need that knowledge to work well in the future.

Am I complaining too much? I think so. Thank you for spending time reading this post, and I’m sorry for wasting your time in listening to me.

Best wishes to you!

I miss you, my friend!

Well, this afternoon, when I was staying alone, I suddenly thought about you. I remembered that date, when I saw you for the very first time, you sat only two chairs from me. And date by date, you moved to the chair on my right. I like the way you talk, but I don’t like you said you don’t know when I asked you about the meaning of a new word because I know you are a smart one. I don’t want anyone pretend to be naive and less intelligent than me, especially she is a girl.

Our classmates paired you and me for fun, but personally I think they recognised something that they can’t speak out. Maybe because they saw you ran to me (I always sat at the specific chair and you change your position to next to me), and we usually had same actions.

When our teacher forced me to say those words, you may not notice, but my heart was beating rapidly, my cheek was warm, and I think my face turned into red that time. You thought it’s a joke, but for me, it’s very difficult to talk those words, because it was exactly what I felt inside.

I wanted to go out with you and our classmates, but I was shy, I was afraid I’m not your type. I’m afraid of facing the truth. Furthermore, until now, I’m still a poor student, without deep pocket, or motorbike, or fashionable outfit. I don’t think you can have any sentiment. I was little bit disappointed when you left without saying farewell, I was fine after all.

It was a one-side feeling, there was no hope to let you know it, but, that’s better for two of us.

Good bye, my friend. I hope the most happiness will come to you.

Thanks for reading.

Rest in peace, my friend.

One of my friend has just gone far away. It was on 12th February 2011. He slept without waking up in an ambulance from Daklak province to Ho Chi Minh city.

It was an accident – traffic accident and he was injured awfully.

Well, he was my friend. I know him at the age of 16. I and he used to go to school by the same bus. He was so friendly and humorous. He could make everyone laugh because of his jokes.

But when I went to university, we didn’t keep in touch, we rarely talked to each other because I and he were far away. I’m in HCMC, he’s in BMTC. Futhermore, I didn’t have his Yahoo nick or his mobile phone number. But I can still remember his funny face. I still want to laugh when looking at his face.

But now, he left behind everything – all sorrow and pains, all happiness and joy.

Good bye, my friend!

 

Evil in my head

Yesterday, I started to have a strange feeling in my mind. I got jealous of my friends when I saw they were teasing the girls next door. I never permit this feeling appears in my mind. I think that this feeling just belongs to selfish man. I’m definitely not that type of person.

But, the more running away from that thought, the clearer I recognize I’m envy them.

Today, tonight, this feeling develop inside my heart. Now, I’m sure I’m jealous of them. They were drinking while I surfed the web. They were talking while I were trying to read comic books, but I didn’t laugh while reading it. I wanted to go out to join their conversation, but my pride didn’t allow me to do it. As the consequence, the only thing I can do to hide my emotion in my own nothing – happened appearance is surfing web. I was lonely.

But, no problem, I can’t still control myself. I will be fine. I hope that feeling will pass by fast. Thanks and good bye!

After watching Final fantasy

I’ve watch the film Final Fantasy – The spirit within. Like the other times, I wacthed it just for relaxing, but today, after watching it, a lot of thoughts appeard in my mind. I was a litle bit confused, its rhythm is not too fast, I can say it slow. Perhaps, because it’s slow, it makes me think about what the film producer want to say? Our lovely Earth is ruled by alien spirits, they detroyed everythings, killed human by pillaging our soul. Our beautiful planet became a deverstrated planet. But what human can do, they hide in cities with barrier outside. Just there are some people who really want to save the Earth. One of them is the commander; he lost his wife and his child because of those alien invaders. But the way he fought back is wrong. Poor him! But, best of all, we won, our planet was born again. Finally, I think we will not know how valuable something is until we lose it. To be honest, my mind was full of thought about this film after hours I’d watched it. It really makes a deep impression to me. But it’s very difficult to say out my thoughts. It’s hard to say because I don’t have enough words to say. For me, saying out my feeling is a difficult thing like saying “I love you”. 

Good bye!

Goodbye Lunar Tet holiday

Tet holiday ended.
But, day by day, I feel the Tet holiday more and more boring. I don’t know why, I’ve just thought that I’m 20, I’m not a child anymore, so I’m not interested in candy, cake, or even Lucky Money. And, I don’t want to stay at home, I want to go out, to my friends’ houses, to my relative’s houses, but my parents just want to stay at home, watch TV…
Only thing I got from this holiday is staying at home and don’t need to study.
Hmm, my thought has just gone out  I have no word to write now.
Sorry.
Goodbye